It's the early evening after the Ted Nugent concert. The temperature is in the comfortably high 80's. I'm walking up my tree-lined street to the Boulevard and on to Safeway for a forty-ouncer of Pabst, my second of the day. I have a slightly unpleasant encounter on the way. There's a guy with a dog who is getting a litte loose, running around in the streetside vegetation and such, ( the dog, not the guy) and the guy put a leash on the dog.
As I pass them, I say "Thank you", figuring that the guy had leashed the dog so he wouldn't jump up on me, (the dog, not the guy) and the guy, in what was for me a perplexing umbrage, asks, "What for?"
"For leashing your dog," I reply, "So he wouldn't jump up on me."
"I leashed my dog," he retorts, (the guy, not the dog) "Because he wasn't paying attention."
A little flustered by the whole run-in, I sputtered, "Too bad they won't let us leash our girlfriends!"
Appalled by my own words, I hurried on to Safeway.
Which brings me to Ted Nugent. At one point during the show last night I was doing the Oliver Stone Doors movie Shaman dance and ted comes out for his encore wearing a faux-Sioux Indian headdress, which my girlfriend found incredibly politically incorrect and insulting to Native Americans, and shot an arrow from his compound hunting bow into the big white guitar he called "The Great White Buffalo", raised a semi-automatic weapon over his head and declared, "The whole world sucks! But America sucks less!"
Then his band joined together in a re-enactment of the Iwo Jima flag raising ceremony. I mean, my faux-paus are nothing next to this guy's attitude! Peter Britt probably had that attitude. He built his estate on the frontier. He climbed the rim of Crater Lake in winter to take photographs a century ago, when few white men had ever seen the lake. Which brings me to another thing Ted said.
"There's too many white people here." Then, quickly, so I didn't hear it, but my girlfriend did, and gasped in horror, Ted said, "But that's probably how you like it!" He followed this up with a crowd-pleasing and hilarious, "We're gonna teach you white motherfuckers how to dance!" The guy's a straight shooter from Detroit. He knows racism when he sees it, sees through the tree-lined streets of our fancy little town to the evil which sustains it.
But Ted was just getting warmed up. The decibel meter went from green to yellow to red to Double Red! and stayed there all night. Ted said, "I ran into some Obama-loving shithead in Medford, and he told me they have a volume limit here. A volume limit? Well, I got your permit riight here!"
Then Ted, as loud as he could, shouted, "FU-UCK YOU!"
It was the Best Britt Festival Concert Ever!